Chapter 16: Regret, Remorse and Anger

       Inspired by Scarlet O Hara's statement "After all tomorrow is another day," I made coffee and took it next day morning after breakfast. I found Chow sitting in his room. I left the two cups there and returned back. My phone beeped.

       "I do not need coffee any more. Stop bringing them. I am busy studying."

       I felt really bad and hurt. I thought that maybe in my impulsiveness I had driven away a good friend. I replied.

       "I am really sorry for what I messaged yesterday. I just spoke my heart out. I really don't want to lose a good friend."

       "Leave me alone."

       Like always, I sat and cried. I felt so foolish to have sent him a message without having weighed the pros and cons. After crying my heart out I decided then and there that I will try and avoid going out or hanging out with the group till normalcy returned.

       Next day onward I started coming late for lunch and went for early dinners. To avoid unwanted talks, I continued sending coffee to all through Singer. This went on for a week. The boys were supposed to leave on Saturday afternoon. After what seemed like eternity, my phone beeped on Saturday morning.

       "We need to talk. Can you come to my room now?"

       I went and knocked with guilt, regret, remorse and hesitation writ large on my face." He opened the door and told me to sit. I waited.

       "Do you know why I called you here today?"

       "Yes I do."

       "What do you have to say about the entire episode?"

       "Please let me explain. I messaged because I thought you too had started liking me. Besides, with my family background, it took me all my courage and conviction to type what I did. I started liking you, I felt you did too, so I messaged. I hate suspense that is why when you stopped talking to me, I realized I had misunderstood. I am sorry."

       After my monologue I waited to see his reaction. 

       "Look I belong to a middle class family. My parents and brother are simple human beings. Your message has come at a time when I am supposed to be studying. You are entitled to your views, but I have to tell you that we are simple people."

        His monologue continued for almost ten minutes. Each of his sentence confused me further. I could not make out whether he was angry, unhappy or delight. His continuous statements on simple people and my views confused the daylights out of me. I was so used to seeing things black or white, I blurted out in between.

       "Is that a yes or a no?"

       "I told you, you are entitled to your views and we are simple people."

       Suddenly, Chow entered the room.

       "Mallu, the vehicle is coming to pick us up. Hey girl, will you inform the others please? Tell them, the vehicle will be here in another ten minutes."

       Mumbling best of luck with a faint smile, I rushed out. After all the guys left, I sat in my room to mull over the morning happenings. I did regret my foolishness in sending the message. I was remorseful for having lost out a friend, but at that juncture I was angry. Mallu was indeed a jerk - one who did not have the guts to accept or deny reality. He could not tell a straight yes or no. I started regretting again over my foolishness, this time on my judgement of people. I felt sad that I fell for a guy who had a heart made of stone. I was angry with myself for not having seen through a selfish male chauvinistic pig like Mallu.