Liberation

I looked towards the night scene visible from the window. I could see nothing except the colour 'Black'. The night sky was absolutely dark with no stars visible. Absence of moon was not a comforting thought either. I tried to close my eyes and pretend to doze off, but then, sleep eluded me. What an irony!!! It appeared at that point of time, every little thing I needed that night had conspired together to stay away from me. I was lonely and I was tired. I was weary of lying down on a cold bed, exhausted by the eerie silence surrounding me and draining out all the energy that was left within me. I could not stop myself from getting out of my bed, like a whining schoolgirl, and walk towards the window. I was standing near a widnow on the thirty ninth floor.

I sat at first by the window sill and looked around. The sky was indeed empty, as empty as my heart that night. And yet, it had a strange glow (like the calm before a storm!!!). I could see the city way below me, all lighted up in contrast to the vacant sky. The city lights shone brightly lending a soft shine to the night sky. I must confess, at that moment, the silent twinkle of the city lights gave me some consolation. I moved further and perched myself on the edge of the ledge. My legs dangled dangerously and my eyes latched onto the city outline below. In spite of the radiance all around because of the night lamps, the city was silent. There were no movements to be noticed, no sounds to be heard, and no faces to be seen. The entire scenery below was a mirror reflection of my mood, and of course, the night sky.

My thoughts decided to have a mind of their own and wander away to random places. There was nothing much to focus upon, either above me or on the ground below. Hence, within a fraction of seconds, I was taken to places I did not want to visit, mentally or otherwise. Strange are the ways of the human mind!!! It always takes you where you generally do not want to go. I definitely did not want to re-live my past. But there I was, living the horrors of the happenings of that day all over again. I seriously did not want to, but something in my mind kept telling me that I had to. I forcefully closed my eyes to shut myself from the gory visions. Yet, I could still see through unopened eyes though I chose avoidance.

There she was. I could see her struggling to escape from their clutches, pleading to beset free, crying out loud to soften their hearts. But nothing happened. Her pleas kept falling on deaf ears, and their hearts hardened further. It was only a few moments before that she was in deep slumber with pleasant thoughts running through her head. All it took, was the sound of a latch on the door, to shatter her dreams. I saw she was alone and they were a pair. I could hear her screaming, but the others in the house could not take notice of them. I could see her panic and run around the room helter-skelter, trying to move away, only to get cornered in her own room. I could feel my heart crying out and shedding tears along with her, but saw them laughing instead. Two slaps were all they took to drive away her senses and turn her wobbly. I saw her getting overpowered. She tried to kick, bite, scratch, in order to escape their clutches, but instead, I found her being pushed, pulled, thrown, stripped and abused. A few more slaps were all that I saw her being subjected to, when she started regaining her lost senses. This was followed by a long, untimed, session of immense pain.

I was hurt. I was confused. Was this the reason, why fathers never wanted a daughter in my country? But her father was very happy when she was born!!!And so was mine!!! Where was her father? I knew, he was far away from her; he could not have heard her pain. He was absent. Why was she being subjected to this kind of treatment in the first place? She was still a child, not even a complete woman, as the saying generally goes. I was filled with disgust. I was angry with myself for not being able to put up a fight. But they were two and i was alone. I did try, yet, it was not enough. I had failed her miserably. Why was I so weak? I felt like a sacrificial goat. It was not a body that was being exploited, misused and mistreated. It was a soul. Personal dignity and every bit of a child's self-respect were in shambles. Yet, I could do nothing about it. I no longer felt l was a human or they, the tormentors, were humans. We were all behaving like animals living in an animal world, where survival was of the fittest (a la Darwanian Theory!!!). But then, even animals cared for their tribe. What was the matter with us, human beings? Could we not do much better that animals at least?

The tormentors were kind though. They left her when they got exhausted and tired out. They even had the courtesy of clothing her in a dress, that now had a colour of its own, a reddish tint, reflecting the anger, the pain, the distress, which was present. However, after pressing her here there, they had fear writ large on their faces. I could not fathom the reason behind this change of expressions. She was in no position to do anything. In fact, she had actually lost everything, her sanity, her self esteem, her hope. And I had lost the zeal to fight, to revolt, to speak up, to speak out. Then why were they so scared? What were they afraid of? Sadly, I received no answers.

Unable to bear the trauma anymore, I opened my eyes and re-focused on the city lights shining below. I knew that a thirty ninth floor was definitely high above, and success of my attempt was ninety nine percent. Still, I contemplated. Did I need to risk everything now that things were beyond my control? But then, did I have a choice? I had nothing to lose. I turned around to have one last look at my bed.

There she was, still lying there clothed, just the way they had dressed her up. She was sleeping over a pool of blood, just the way her tormentors had left her. Her eyes were closed. Her limbs were numb. There was no movement, no sound, only a shocking silence. She had suffered enough, more than what nature had in mind for her. Yet, there was more to come for her. Many strangers would discuss her. Many would genuinely empathize with her, but still keep quiet. For them, there was no point in getting into trouble for the sake of an absolute stranger. A few empathizers would fight on her behalf. But society was too diverse to hear the voices of a handful. And of course, majority of them would indulge in loose talk and engage in gossiping about her being characterless with no morals, forgetting she was just a child. My heart winched when I thought about her immediate family. They would be put through the ordeal of questions, questions and more questions. At first, it would be done individually, thereafter, as a team. Was I in a position to do anything for them? Of course not!!! I was a coward busy searching for comfort amidst the sparkle of city lights.

I turned to face the sky, slowly turning crimson, for one last time. I knew my decision was right in spite of my age. With no second thoughts, I jumped off that window sill. I drifted down. I moved onto the welcoming lamps of the city lights. For a second, I had butterflies in my stomach, but immediately after, I felt light. It was a strange feeling that instant, but when I thought of her, I understood.

I was now free, as free as a bird floating in a clear sky. She still had a lot to undergo. I had nothing to do hereafter with whatever had happened. It may sound strange, but then, the truth was so. We both were connected. She was nothing but a lifeless physical entity that was the only representation of what now remained of me. And I was a liberated soul that epitomised the freedom she had wanted in her growing years. Though free, I was still in chains through her physical presence, and though dead, she was now free through my liberation.

After all, she was me and I was her.